Dear Universe:

You obviously hate me.  I know you do.  Please don't deny it, because the evidence is overwhelming.

Yesterday, I went to the gym for the first time in about five days.  The dentist wouldn't let me go.  Bastard.  I went back, and let's just say that things weren't like they used to be.  I lost a lot of progress.  UGH.  Now I have to get back to where I was...the faster the better.  And on top of that, once my blood started pumping, I could feel the holes in my mouth (where the wisdom teeth used to be) start to throb.  They just won't stop being the center of attention.  Stop it, wisdom teeth.  You had your 15 minutes.  Now leave.

But despite my lame-ass "workout" and my throbbing teeth, the universe found one more way to ensure that my gym experience kept on rolling.  And by rolling I mean making Eve incredibly angry.

If there was a cactus, it would be swung about.
[via smosh]

Universe, you know what you did.  You must get a kick out of watching me get more and more angry.  Because on my way home, I counted a total of eight fugly brown cars on the road.  I don't need to reiterate this.  I think brown is the ugliest color for cars on the face of the planet.  They look like giant pieces of crap rolling down the road with the other normal cars.

AM I RIGHT?!
[via siliconeer]

But despite yesterday's gym fiasco, on Tuesday something went down at work.  Legit.  I work at a car rental agency, and I can't even begin to tell you about the customers we get.  My mom says that it's the worst customer base on the planet.  I can't agree more.  Anywho, this all traces back to when some guy stole a car that he rented.  He never returned it, so we had to go out and find him.  One month later, the car was placed back in our possession and the dude owes us over one thousand dollars.

Yeah.  But in the car was a handicap pass.  This handicap pass did not belong to the thief, rather his friend (let us call him Marvin for the sake of the story).  Here's where it gets a little sticky, folks.  Company policy states that nothing found in the car can be released until the bill is paid.

And obviously if this dude stole a car, he wasn't about to shell out 1,500 smacks.  So, Marvin could not get what was his.  Which made Marvin very angry.  Almost as angry as I was when I drove home from the gym with a hoard of brown fugly cars hot on my trail.

He was probably spitting lightning.  Or tapeworms, I can't really tell.
[via michellephoenix]

At around 4:00pm, just when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, a woman walks into the office.  Being the receptionist, I get to see all of the action.  It's one of the benefits.  Back to the story.  This lady goes right to the front counter and demands to get her husband's handicap pass.

Here we go.


So my boss, the owner comes down to handle everything.  Mind you, she was spitting fire.  She was saucier than marinara and you could just tell that she was mad.  So he talks to her and asks for her licens e, to prove that it's her.  So storms out and grabs it, storms back in and flicks it across the office to him.  Oh yeah.  So he kinda stares at her in shock, scans the license for our records, then proceeds to let her know that he was going to call the police to see if he could actually give the pass to her.

Everything went down because of this.  Remember that.
[via taylorgifts]

All of a sudden, she starts screaming.  "Give me the pass! Don't call the police! I just want the damn handicap pass!"  Dear God.  Then, my boss turns around and tells her that because of her disorderly conduct, he wouldn't give her the pass.

Then, the mierda hit the ventilador, if you get my drift.

Yup.
[via cartoonstock]

She stomped out of the office, and next thing I know a giant-ass blue truck pulls up in front and she steps out with Marvin.  And let me tell you, Marvin was beyond pissed. Also, Marvin had like four teeth, tops.  They both come in and Marvin starts yelling, screaming, throwing f-bombs left and right.

My boss starts yelling back, because it was getting ridiculous.  Then Marvin challenged my boss to come out from behind the counter.  Marvin threw out a few bad names, so my boss came out.

Let's remember that I'm watching this all happen.  Next thing I know, Marvin headbutts my boss.  Headbutts him in the face.  Then my boss shoved him across the room.  I think Marvin's feet left the ground at some point.

It was an all-out brawl.
[via hivelife]

I blink my eyes.  Literally, I close them for a millisecond, and next thing I know the saucy woman is holding onto a dog collar.  This dog collar was attached to a dog.  She brought the effing dog in to attack my boss.  What the hell?  The dog looked confused, and obviously had no intention of harming anyone, but what the hell lady?  WHO DOES THAT.

PS: It was a weimaraner. Aka Gary's momma.
[via free-extras]

Then, they get shoved out of the building.  The cops were called, blah blah blah.  But let us reflect on this argument-turned petty fight-turned attempted attack dog session.

This was over a handicap pass.


And to be honest, Marvin didn't even look like he needed it.  In fact, I must commend him on his form when he headbutted my boss.  He probably faked an injury or something just to get one.  His motivation is obviously to get parking spots closer to the entrance of the Golden frickin' Corral.  Dumbass.

Wouldn't surprise me.
[via shelenhammerconstruction]

Ridiculous.

Also, today while working I ripped my thumbnail open.  Oh yeah.  Do you know how hard it is to do clerical work with basically one functional thumb?  Pretty damn hard.  My life's a mess right now.