Rawr Rawr Glug Glug. Possible Pneumonia.

Okay, I don't have pneumonia.  I probably won't get it.  But a friend might.  You'll understand later in this post.  I shall enlighten all of you.

I WILL ENLIGHTEN YOU ABOUT EVERYTHING.
[via soulselfhelp]

First, let me apologize.  I've been so bad lately and I really do feel guilty about not blogging in over two weeks.  Yeah I know.  It's been too long.

But I'm back.  Back in black.  I hit the sack. I've been too long, I'm glad to be back.

Please tell me you got the AC/DC reference.
[via sweetlyrics]

Anywho, I should not excuse the lack of blogging.  However, I must say that is was Shark Week last week.  And on top of that and working the usual 40 hours, I was planning an incredible whitewater rafting trip.  Yeah, so needless to say I was Eve-l Knievel.  Haha, get it? Eve-l? UGH.  I'm finished trying to impress you guys.

So I hope you accept my apology.  If you don't then just leave and then come back because we both know you can't resist my prose.  Yeah I said it.

Back to the story.  Last week was Shark Week.  If you read this blog, I really hope you watch it.  Because literally everyone that's awesome watches Shark Week.

Effing ANDY SAMBERG hosted it this year.

Um, yeah.
[via discoverychannel]

I set my DVR on Sunday morning.  Until the next Sunday.  I literally recorded every single Shark Week show to air.  Obsessive? HELL NO.  Shark Week is like having Christmas for seven days in the middle of summer.  Mmm.

That and I'm a freak for sharks.  I was going to be a marine biologist, focusing on sharks.  Then I took another route.  When I was a little tyke, the other children would take out books on Arthur and all-picture nonsense.

Psh, that was so three years ago, WHEN I WAS LEARNING TO READ.  Pictures didn't do it for me. When I was seven, I wanted substance.  Hardcore facts.  I had a reading light attached to my headboard and I would read until my brain said stop. I would go to the library and pull encyclopedias and guides about sharks.

Circa 1995-2011
[via wordpress]

  Sharks.  Sharks.  Rawr.  Grrr.  Chomp.  Sharks.  I grew to love the buggers.  Grew to love their sheer force and predatory skill.  I grew to love that there are things in this world that are just as complex as us.  Sharks are truly a wonder.

Life goal: Swim with a great white.  Or tiger.  Or both.

Puppies of the deep.
[via underwater.com]

As usual, shark week was amazing.  And to finish it off, a gang of hoodlums and I went whitewater rafting.

Oh yeah, baby.  I was sucked into a rapid while in a boat, almost died, but obviously survived.  Then another one of my friends almost died and I saved her.  How wonderful life is.

But for real, it was incredible.  I effing love whitewater rafting.  It's such a rush.  You really get to appreciate the power nature has.  It's so humbling.

And scary.

I would do it all the time if I could.  Mmm.  Rowing up in front, constantly getting splashed in the face, almost falling out of the raft dozens of times.  It was the highlight of my summer.

But today I woke up extremely sore, calloused and exhausted.  My body said no this morning.  My mind said "if you don't wake up you're going to die."  I was threatening myself.  Typical.

While rafting though, out of the death-defying rafting, my contacts managed to stay in.  Guys, I'll be taking a shower and they'll come out sometimes.

Obviously the big guy upstairs is watching over me and my eyes.

HAIL HIM.
[via planetarybargains]

In fact, I was so amazed, that I took it upon myself to craft a letter to the head of my contact lens brand.  His name is Peter.  And you should all know that this was supposed to be humorous and thankful.  My goal was to be myself and possibly make his day.  Yes, I am going to copy and paste this on.  I changed nothing and yes, I intend on mailing this.

I'm not crazy.  Here we go.  Mind you, this letter explains how my friend and I almost died.  That's why I didn't explain it.

Dear Peter,

I know that being the Vice President of a world-class company is most certainly a task that involves a lot of time and effort.  In fact, reading letters is probably something that gets in your way, oftentimes filled with complaints.  Then again, I am not a vice president so I can’t relate.  But I feel if you take the time to read my story, it will be worth your while.

Recently, a few friends and I went whitewater rafting.  Now these rapids were definitely not for beginners, and sitting in the front of the boat added to the excitement.  Peter, there was no doubt that I would get soaked on this trip.  The weather was perfect for rafting and so was the group’s attitude.  It should be noted at this point that I am as blind as a bat, and without my contact lenses or glasses I act like Velma from Scooby Doo.  Lost, knees on the ground and searching, hoping that my glasses are near.  When you go on an adventure like I did, you don’t want to miss a thing.  Between guiding my friends through the rapids and the beautiful scenery, this trip was something I would truly hate to not be able to see.

That being said, I wore my contact lenses on this trip.    In the beginning of the trip, our guide led us underneath a waterfall.  If you’ve ever been under a waterfall, you know how I felt.  But if you haven’t it can be compared to someone constantly pouring buckets of water on you over and over again.  Five minutes into this thing I was drenched.  And while it felt like millions of gallons were being poured onto my body, I couldn’t believe that I would lose my contacts five minutes into this trip. 

Needless to say, when I opened my eyes I was expecting the world to be a blur.  I will happily report that the lenses stayed on.  And they stayed on during my entire trip, Peter.  And trust me, the waterfall was the least of this treachery.

Continuing down the rapids, each wave seemed to crash into my face, and consequently my eyes.  After each blink, my contacts kept their respective places.  It was a miracle.  But then came the rapid where I almost met my death.  Yes, I almost died on this rapid.  Sitting in the front, the rapid was tilting the boat and filling my end.  We were surfing up the rapid, meaning that after we rode the rapid originally it was thought that turning around and riding up it would be fun.  What a mistake.  The front of the boat was promptly engulfed in the rapid, and I was stuck.  Water was rushing over my head and the only thing keeping me breathing was my friend next to me constantly pulling me up for air.  Needless to say, this was the point of my life that I wondered why I didn’t say goodbye to my dog and family.  I questioned why my last meal of my life was nearly raw-bacon and pancakes for a fundraiser.  I should’ve known.  I should have made that omelet for breakfast.  At least that’s a meal worth going down for. 

So here I am, relying on my friends for life.  When the guide turned the boat the other way and the very same friend that helped save me was sucked under the water, I opened my eyes and my adrenaline kicked in.  Everything was crystal clear, Peter.  How were my contact lenses still in?  Water definitely went in my eyes.  Heck, it went in my lungs.  After helping save my friend, my perfect vision got me thinking: I can’t believe that I’m still seeing.

So I suppose the moral of this very long and drawn out story is to thank you for being part of such an incredible product.  Anything that can withstand the force of nature and face the threat of death is okay in my book.  So again, thank you.  Your lenses let me have one of the best memories of my young adulthood, and I really can’t thank you and your company enough.  Keep up the good work, sir. 

So when I’m hitting the books in college, studying for that big chemistry exam or deciding to conquer dangerous rivers, it’s nice to know that I will always be able to see.  Enjoy your day, Peter.

Yours truly,

Eve

Yup.  You love it.