Money = Boredom...?

So I doled out some brownies to my amigos the other day and they attested to the greatness.  I'm slowly recovering from the fluid loss I experience whilst baking them.  So much drool...alas.

[via mdjunction.com]

But today is a new day, full of new stories.

Story 1: A woman is in love with me.

Story 2: The rubber band ball catastrophe.

Ha. Those rhymed.  Again, I'm just like Tupac.

Story 3: Eve- L'artiste

Let's get going!

[via Day Six Diary]

"Eve, I love you." Oh Jess you're so kind.  What can I say? How do I deny her?  The answer is: I cannot.  My friend Jess told me that she loves me yesterday and my heart went all pitter patter.  I understand WHY you're in love with me, I mean how can you not fall in love with moi?  I'm not narcissistic at all, I promise.

True life right here.
[via Tumblr]

Here is my answer to you, Jess.  I love you too.  I hope your heart skipped a beat when you read that.  I know you're going to read this. Muahahaha.

Time for Story 2!
I apologize for the crappy first story.

Jess made me write that.


Don't tell.

Please? Great.

As you may or may not know, I work as a receptionist and most of the time, I'm staring at the wall.  I try to help everyone out and do the stuff they don't want to do...but apparently I'm an extremely efficient worker and finish errthang so quickly.  Like I said, I'll spend hours getting paid to stare at the wall and occasionally answer the phone.

And I look like this.  Only I'm not Hispanic, I don't ever wear red and I don't have that COOL-ASS HEADSET.
[via oneyeartocurtain]

I feel like I would be so much more motivated if I got to wear that sick microphone up in my head.  I would pretend to be a popstar.  I would pretend to be JLo in The Wedding Planner.  I would pretend to be someone else awesome whom I can't think of right now.

It would be phenomenal.

Speaking of phenomenal, I wore spandex today under my dress.  Can I just say that this will be practiced for the rest of my life?  Spandex, oh glorious spandex!  I wore the little shorts you're supposed to wear while working out, but I just put them on so I don't accidentally pull a Paris Hilton in front of my boss.

We don't want that, now do we?
[via Americangirl]

Anyway, they're so comfortable.  I can't even handle it.  I highly recommend wearing them 24/7.  Shower in spandex.  Sleep in spandex.  EAT AND BREATHE THE SPANDEX. You'll never go back. I don't plan on it.

Well THAT was a tangent.  Back to the story at hand.


So I was sitting at my desk [in spandex], waiting for either a phone call or death to arrive.  Neither came for a very long time.  In the interim, I opened my little skinny drawer that every desk has, and I began searching for one of the only things in that office that I love.  I began searching for my rubber band ball.

You're all probably like, "This girl actually values a rubber band ball. I'm jsut going to stop reading here and get some friends that are normal."

BUT WAIT.

You don't understand!  When I starting working there, I literally had to clean my desk from the floor up.  I've seen gross, but this takes the cake.  The DUSTY ASS cake.  It took my two full days to convert my desk from somewhere an animal would go to die, to a lil' hangout spot.  And during this incredible deat of human ingenuity, I found so many rubber bands.  I should've won an award.

So I did what any wise lady would do: I made a bouncable sphere out of it.  I loved that ball because of the accomplishments behind it.

"Sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah!" --Spongebob Squarepants
[via Maxinesniderinc]

And so when I opened that drawer and found no rubber band ball...ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.


Days pass and I couldn't find it.  Until today.  I must've talked to everyone in that building, and the last person I talked to casually stated:

"Oh yeah, I got bored and started bouncing it and it landed behind the printer.  It's still there."

I looked like this.
[via Smosh]

OH HELL NO.


You bet your ass I made him give me that ball back.  He had to work at it too, reachin' all up in the forbidden cracks of the office with a metal yardstick.  [Sidenote: my eighth grade science teacher used to pronounce the word "metal" like muh-het-uhl and now that's how I pronounce it in my head. Just thought you should know].  It was all dusty and gross, but it was still intact.  I made another rubber band ball in the meantime (mostly to fill the empty void in muh heart), so I joined the two together in a banded hybrid like no one has ever seen.  The magnificence!  It is truly elastic perfection and I am finally content.

But I swear to all that is holy that if someone bounces my damn ball again and it lands in a damn crevasse again, someone will pay.  SOMEONE. WILL. PAY.

Ooh. Gotta calm down.  Mama gets angry about her elastic property.

Moving on.

Like I said, I'm pretty bored at work.  'Tis why I'm writing this - to keep me sane.  But I figured out something to do to pass the time.  It sounds dumb, but it's really easy and its kills time.And if you enjoy drawing, this will really float your boat.

Eve's Supreme Time Eater
Materials:
Highlighter(s)
Paper
Pen

Directions:
1) Get the paper.
2) Pop off the cap of the highlighter.
3) Close your eyes.
4) Scribble all over the paper.  Make swirls, straight lines, whatever your wonderful heart desires!
5) Repeat Steps 2-4 for each highlighter you're using.
5) Trace the outlines of the highlighter in black pen.
6) Viola! You have acheived ART!

Okay, I get it, this sounds dumb.  And in your head, this probably doesn't even look worthwhile.

But here's the one I did today:

Pretty snazzy, eh?  Oh yes.  This is what I do, folks.  I color and watch non-existent wet paint dry on the wall.  Se la vie.